I recently met a woman who told me she lost her daughter about ten years ago. She shared a little about who her daughter was, how close they were, and how difficult it has been to live with the grief of losing her.
One day, while checking out after a doctor’s appointment, she began talking with an employee about how much she was struggling. The employee responded, “You need to move on and get over it.”
What?! How dare anyone tell another person how to grieve—or when they should be “over” losing someone they love?
I never want to know the pain of losing a child. Losing Brandon was close enough. I am not over the grief of losing him, and I cannot imagine how upset I would be if someone told me that I should be.
Don’t tell me how to grieve.
Don’t tell me when I should feel better.
Don’t tell me when I should be “over it.”
Don’t you think grieving families would love to have a date circled on the calendar—the day the pain will ease, the tears will stop, and life will feel normal again? Unfortunately, grief does not work that way.
Grief has no deadline. There is no correct timeline and no finish line. We learn how to carry it, but that does not mean we stop missing the person we love. Some days may feel lighter, while others bring the pain rushing back as if the loss happened yesterday.
Please, before reacting to someone’s pain, story, or actions, remember that you may not know what they have lived through—or what they are still carrying.
Choose your words carefully. Show grace. Be kind.
Sometimes, the kindest thing you can say is simply, “I’m sorry. I’m here, and I’m listening.”
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