Twenty years married.
Five children. Many questions. Many mistakes. And a whole lot of love.
When I look at those words, they seem too small to hold everything we have lived. How do you fit twenty years into a blog? How do you explain building a family while you are still learning about yourself—and the person beside you?
I love my husband. But if I told you these twenty years had all been easy, I would be lying.
We have had our ups and downs. We have disagreed, misunderstood each other, and had moments when the words came out wrong—or didn’t come out at all. There have been times when we needed more patience than we had left at the end of the day.
With five children, sometimes the end of the day was all we had.
There was always someone who needed something. A ride. Advice. Help. Something to eat, even though I could have sworn I had just fed everybody. 🤣 Between raising children, working, and keeping a household going, it was easy to get caught up in what needed to be done next.
Somewhere in all of that, we had to remember we were husband and wife, too.
We didn’t always get that right.
There are things I would handle differently now. Words I would soften. Times I would listen longer instead of being so ready to explain my side. After twenty years, you have enough history together to see your own mistakes a little more clearly.
And we have had plenty of questions.
Are we doing this parenting thing right? How are we going to make everything work? What does our family need from us? What do we need from each other?
We didn’t walk into marriage with all the answers, and twenty years later, we still don’t have them all. We have learned as we have gone. Sometimes through good conversations. Sometimes through an apology that should have come sooner.
One of the things I love most about my husband is the way he loves our children.
If you ask him how many children he has, he will tell you five. Four girls and one boy. There is no hesitation in his answer. Watching him claim them, love them, and stand beside them has meant more to me than I can fully explain.
That love has been such a big part of our life together.
Now, that doesn’t mean raising five children was easy on either of us—or on our marriage. We have been tired. We have worried. We have had to figure things out while little eyes were watching, and then keep figuring them out as those children grew up and had questions of their own.
But we have laughed so much, too.
When I think about our marriage, I want to remember the ordinary days along with the big ones. The familiar jokes. The looks across a room. The stories we both know but tell again anyway. The comfort of having someone who knows so much of your life because he was there living it with you.
Twenty years gives you a lot of those moments.
It also changes you. I am not exactly the woman I was when we got married, and he is not exactly the same man. We have grown, made mistakes, learned things, and had to get to know new parts of each other along the way.
I am still learning how to be his wife. Still learning when to speak, when to listen, and when we both might just need something to eat and a little rest before we try that conversation again.
I hope he knows how much I love him, even on the days I don’t express it well. Even when life is busy and I am distracted by the next thing on my list.
Because underneath all the responsibilities, all the questions, and all the things we are still working on, I am grateful for the life we have built.
I am grateful he has been beside me through so much of it. I am grateful for our five children and the memories we share. And I am grateful that, after twenty years, we still have more life to live together.
So here’s to us.
To the ups and downs. To learning from the mistakes. To making more time for each other now, instead of always waiting until everything else is done.
Twenty years married, and I still love the man I get to call my husband.
We have a lot of history behind us. I hope we have many good years ahead of us.
And through it all, a whole lot of love.
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